


You Make It Easy

by raeganrolland



Series: It's Called Love, Punks [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:10:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raeganrolland/pseuds/raeganrolland
Summary: Prequel to "Its Called Love, Punks"





	1. Chapter 1

The thing about best friends is, sometimes you love them so much that no other relationship can ever compare. There is not a single person in the world that can make you as happy as that one person, not even close.

In some cases, this can cause trouble. By sheer dumb luck (this luck can be good or bad, depending on the circumstances and, more importantly, the outcome of such a situation) you find yourself falling in love with that person. You’re terrified, confused, and angry. You’re afraid of losing the most important person in your life. And then, you wait for the inevitable. You wait to slip up, for them to find out. And then, you wait for life as you know it to change forever.

Hey, it happens to everyone.

This is how it happened to Bucky Barnes.

2016

The internet is a wonderful place. It’s chock-full of information needed for important research. Which may or may not include looking at pictures of naked guys to see if you really are gay or if you’re just going through some sort of weird phase wherein you kind of enjoy looking through old issues of GQ a little too much.

That may or may not be what Bucky is doing. Okay, fine. That’s exactly what he’s doing.

He clicks around until he gets to a site that he has to lie about his age to enter, and graphic images fill the screen. Bucky tilts his head slightly to the left, mouth going a little slack as he stares. Heat pools in his belly and his cock stirs in his shorts. (He’s fifteen. Give him a break.)

So yeah, definitely gay, then.

It’s not something he didn’t already know, but now he’s quite positive. So good, he knows. What the fuck does he do now?

He suddenly hears thunderous footsteps coming up the stairs and he quickly closes all of his windows and shuts his laptop. Steve barges into his room and immediately trips over Bucky’s lacrosse stick.

“Nice to see you’re adjusting to that growth spurt,” Bucky snickers, and Steve glowers as he picks his now tall, but still skinny self up off of the floor. Six months ago Steve was 5’6’’, now he is pushing 6 feet. He’s gained some muscle on his bones since joining basketball, but he has definitely not yet grown into his frame.

“We can’t all be midgets,” Steve replies, throwing himself down on Bucky’s bed. Bucky sets his laptop on his nightstand and sits up, blushing furiously as he waits for his erection to go down and prays Steve doesn’t notice.

“Did you need something?” Bucky asks, reaching out to push at Steve’s side with his foot. Steve rolls onto his side and looks up at Bucky.

“Yeah,” Steve replies, propping his head up on his elbow. “Did you find a date for my birthday party yet?”

“Ah yes, Steve Rogers’s fifteenth birthday soirée. The social event of the season,” Bucky says airily, waving his hand around in the air.

“Damn right,” Steve retorts. “So who’s the lucky girl?”

“Um,” Bucky replies, brows knitting together. He gets an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that he immediately identifies as guilt. And that’s the thing, Bucky fucking hates lying. Especially to Steve. Does he really want to pretend to be someone he’s not around his best friend? “Nobody. I’m not bringing anyone.”

“Why not, Buck? For some reason, you’re more than popular with the chicks, man. Annie has had a crush on you since like, kindergarten. And she’s getting seriously hot,” Steve says, ticking girls off on his fingers. “Not to mention Sharon, Dottie, Kristen, and fucking Wanda.”

“No thanks,” Bucky says, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck. He looks out the window. He kind of wants to go outside. He sort of wants to run screaming from this conversation.

“Whatever, dude,” Steve sighs, flopping onto his back. “I’m starting to think you don’t even like girls.”

Bucky freezes, his face flushing with heat. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears and all he can think is well, that was fast. He swallows hard and closes his eyes, considering. He has never had to hide anything from Steve before. It wouldn’t do to start now.

“What if – I mean.” Bucky pauses, swallowing again and keeping his eyes trained out the window. “What if I don’t?”

He’s greeted with silence. Deafening silence. Even the fucking birds outside his window stop chirping.

He slowly turns his head towards Steve, bracing himself for the worst. Steve is just staring at him, eyes wide and mouth slack with disbelief.

“Whoa,” Steve finally says when Bucky starts fidgeting and desperately fighting the urge to run away. Steve sits up on the bed and crosses his legs, mirroring Bucky’s position. They stare at each other for a long moment, and Bucky feels fifteen years of friendship swaying precariously on the edge of a knife. It’s unsettling, and it makes his heart clench in his chest. “So like, you’re gay?”

“Um,” Bucky replies, his breathing coming a little quicker than he would like. “I think so?”

“You think?” Steve repeats, but his voice is soft and his eyes are curious. Bucky looks at him closely. He doesn’t look disgusted or horrified. He just looks slightly concerned.

“Yeah,” Bucky replies, plucking at his comforter just so he has something to do with his hands. “I mean, yes. I am. I don’t like girls like you do. I like guys like that.” He says the last part softly, looking down to avoid Steve’s gaze.

“Hm. Are you gay for anyone in particular?” Steve asks, and Bucky has a hard time reading his tone. Bucky blushes, because best friend or not, there is no way he’s telling Steve that he thought their freshman English teacher was the hottest thing on two legs. The ridicule would never stop.

“Not really,” Bucky replies, because while he thinks a few guys at their school are hot, he doesn’t have a crush on anyone. This is all way too new to actually like anyone. He has to take some time to figure it out.

Silence falls between them again, but at least the birds start chirping. Bucky worries his bottom lip with his teeth, and the sudden honk of a car horn startles him a little. Steve looks slightly lost in thought, a small crease between his brows. Bucky clears his throat. He has to ask, but he’s dreading the answer.

“Are we okay?” He finally asks, hating how shaky his voice is. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to cope if the answer is no. Steve’s gaze snaps to his immediately, his bright blue eyes widening.

“What?” Steve asks, and then he rolls his eyes. “Oh shit, Bucky. Come on. You’re my best friend. Did you really think I would give a care?”

“No, I guess not,” Bucky says, not realizing until he says it how true that is. Deep down, he knew Steve wouldn’t care. It still feels like an immense weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. “Just – don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“You know I won’t,” Steve replies sincerely. “This doesn’t change anything. You’re still my Bucky.” He pauses, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “Actually, this makes a lot of sense.”

“Fuck you!” Bucky laughs, pulling a pillow from behind his back and hitting Steve with it. Steve laughs so hard he falls backwards, hands clutching his stomach.

“Things like that! Like the flailing and the pillow fighting,” Steve cackles. “And all the pieces fall into place.”

“I hate you,” Bucky mumbles, but he’s laughing, trying hard not to smile.

“Do not, jerk.” Steve pulls himself into a sitting position again and looks at Bucky. “Just promise me one thing.”

“What?” Bucky replies, looking up to meet Steve’s gaze. Steve grins.

“Promise you won’t fall in love with me.” Steve’s eyes are bright and happy, and a laugh spills out of Bucky before he can help it. “I know I’m totally irresistible.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that, you punk,” Bucky replies, laughing so hard he has to wipe tears from his eyes. He is giddy with relief. Everything is going to be fine.

Fall in love with Steve? Please. Like that will ever happen.

2017

A year of angsting wasted. A whole year of hiding all his porn and trying to catch up on all five seasons of Queer Eye while no one was home. All for nothing.

An entire year of worrying himself to death, and his parents weren’t even surprised when he told them. Assholes.

And fuck Steve, too. He is too masculine. Who cares if he’s in drama class? He’s also on the varsity lacrosse team as a sophomore. So ha! And he is not a drama queen.

Oh god, he’s going to give himself an ulcer.

2018

Bucky sits in the dugout, puffing on his third cigarette in twenty minutes. To say that he’s in a bad mood would be a massive fucking understatement.

He doesn’t feel good, for starters. He feels weak and tired, his stomach hurts, and he’s pretty sure he’s getting a fever. It’s May, for fuck’s sake. Who gets sick in May? Three days left of junior year, four days until the massive party at the lake, and he’s coming down with what, the fucking sniffles?

He wants to go home and curl up in bed and be a whiny, prissy little bitch until he feels better but he can’t. Steve drove him to school, so he would have to walk home. It’s like a hundred fucking degrees outside and he’s seconds away from barfing so it’s probably better to just wait it out.

And he doesn’t even have Steve to bitch to because he got cornered by his girlfriend at the beginning of lunch and he had to go sit with her and her drama geek friends. Which, okay, Bucky is a drama geek. But he only does it for fun, not because he’s a thespian, or whatever. He’s also a jock, so it all balances out nicely.

So he doesn’t like Alexis. She’s boring. She acts like she’s so superior and mature and above everyone. And it pisses Bucky off. Not that he’s ever told Steve any of this, because he’s just not the kind of guy that hates on his best friend’s girl. Not out loud, at least.

Bucky stubs out his cigarette and decides not to light up another one, because it may be settling his nerves but it’s sure as hell not settling his stomach. He’s such a horrible sick person. Angry and hostile, like a badger. A badass badger.

At least until he gets home so his mommy can make him some soup.

He gets up and brushes the dust from the seat of his pants. When he leans down to grab his bag, a sharp pain rips through his belly. He clutches the brick to stay upright, his vision whiting out for a moment until the pain subsides. Bucky blinks a few times and takes a few breaths until he feels relatively normal again.

“That was weird,” he mumbles to himself before trudging off towards the school, unconsciously pressing a hand to the right side of his stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky has had a key to Steve’s truck since the day he got it and when school is over (finally, thank god) he lets himself into the cab to wait. A few minutes later he spots Steve and Alexis walking towards the truck, hands interlocked. Alexis looks irritated as usual, saying something that makes Steve roll his eyes and pull his hand away. Bucky raises an eyebrow. Trouble in paradise? Good. Not that Bucky wishes any unhappiness on his best friend. It’s just that, well, Alexis isn’t good enough for him. He deserves someone who – well, just someone better.

Steve gets into the truck and slams the door shut, not at all surprised to see Bucky already waiting in the cab. Steve slams the door so hard the whole truck rattles, and Bucky’s stomach clenches uncomfortably.

“Problems?” Bucky clenches out, waiting for the pain in his belly to go away. Steve looks over at Bucky and his scowl immediately subsides.

“Jesus, Buck,” he says, turning to face his best friend. “You look like shit.”

“Well fuck you very much.” Bucky wipes the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand and glowers at Steve. “What’s wrong with you and Alexis?”

“What? Oh, nothing.” Steve sighs. “She’s just making a big deal out of the party on Saturday. She wants me to drive her and she got all pissy when I told her I was already driving you. And she doesn’t want me to drink, or leave her alone at any point, and all this shit. I mean, fuck, she has friends too, y’know? We can hang out with our friends and each other.”

Bucky bites his lip, stopping the words he wants to let slip out. Instead, he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, bright green and feverish.

“Then she called me immature because some dude jogged by and his junk was bouncing around in his shorts and I laughed,” Steve continues. “I mean, shit. You would have laughed, right?”

“Was he hot?” Bucky asks, settling back against the seat.

“No, I wouldn’t say so,” Steve replies.

“Then yeah, I would have laughed.” Steve looks over at him and finally laughs for the first time since he got in the truck. It makes Bucky smile.

“About the party. I can catch a ride with Sam,” Bucky says, just trying to keep the peace. “It’s not a big deal. You’ll see me there.”

“No,” Steve says. “I mean – this sucks. I just want to hang out with everybody.”

“I know,” Bucky says, reaching out to touch Steve’s shoulder. “And you will. Sam and I are more than capable of crashing your little lover’s tryst.” Steve laughs and reaches out to push Bucky’s shoulder. Steve’s hand burns against his skin, and Bucky shivers away.

“Dude, you’re burning up.” Steve says, pulling his hand away to start the truck. “Did you make a doctor’s appointment? You haven’t been feeling good for days, and honestly? You look like you’re gonna hurl. Please don’t puke in my truck. Seriously, roll down the window.”

“Steve, please!” Bucky shouts, covering his damp face with his palm. Steve goes all mother hen whenever anyone gets sick, and his barrage of questions is more than Bucky can handle. “It’s hot as balls in this truck. Can we please just go?”

“Sure,” Steve says quietly, starting up the truck. Bucky closes his eyes and takes deep breaths, reveling in the comfortable silence until Steve turns into their neighborhood. “Am I dropping you at home?”

“No,” Bucky replies, although he’d really like to get into bed. “All my camping stuff is still in your garage from last time. I need it if we’re camping at the lake. No way I’m sharing a tent with you two lovebirds. Though it’s not like you’re gonna get any. Alexis keeps that shit locked up tight.”

“I can’t wait until you finally get a boyfriend so I can rag on you twenty four-seven.” Bucky chuckles at that. “What about Jason? You two seemed to hit it off at Tony’s party last weekend.”

“Jason?” Bucky scoffs. “He’s so fucking gay. If I wanted to listen to someone bitch about the disgrace of mismatching belts and shoes I would date a girl.”

Steve laughs as he parks in front of his house, cutting the engine. “So you’re just gonna keep running to Tony every time you get hard up?”

“Tony is hot,” Bucky replies, hopping out of the truck. “Not like it means anything. Plus it’s fun to watch Ben squirm as his kid brother makes out with one of his best friends.”

“Sure. And Tony is only what, twenty-two? What’s a little felony between friends?” Steve replies, laughing as they make their way towards the front door. “Just do me a favor. Don’t give Tony your ass cherry.”

“He wishes,” Bucky replies. “Besides, you know I’m saving that for you, baby.” He gives Steve a little hip check and Steve grins at him as he unlocks the door.

“I’m lookin’ forward to it,” Steve chuckles, and then winks as he slips inside. Bucky falters in his step; pausing in the doorway as his stomach does a weird little flip.

He blames it on the stomach ache.

Bucky follows Steve into the kitchen and takes a seat at the island in the middle as Steve rifles through the refrigerator. He takes out a gallon of milk and sets it on the counter. There is a plastic container full of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on the island and Steve pours a glass of milk and opens it. He shoves almost an entire one in his mouth and Bucky’s stomach turns.

“Dude,” Steve says around a mouthful of cookie, “there are cookies within striking distance.”

“Not hungry,” Bucky mumbles, his stomach clenching painfully. The pain is getting more intense now - a hot, white stabbing in his lower belly that just won’t go away.

“You’re turning down my mom’s cookies?” Steve asks. “Wow, you must really feel like shit.”

“Yeah,” Bucky grunts out, slipping off of the stool. He wobbles as he stands, clutching the countertop for support. Steve’s confused expression is the last thing he sees clearly before his vision starts to swim. “Stevie, something’s not right. Oh shit, it hurts.”

“Holy shit, Buck. What’s wrong?” Steve’s voice sounds panicky and somewhat far away, and all of Bucky’s instincts are telling him to run, to get away from the thing that’s causing him pain. But he can’t because it’s inside him, tearing him open. He blanches, turning as white as a sheet as a sharp cry escapes his lips.

Bucky drops to his knees, his hands pressing against his stomach.

“Oh my god, Buck!” Steve drops down in front of him, shaky hands clutching at Bucky’s shoulders. “Talk to me. What is it?”

“Hospital,” Bucky mumbles, letting his body slump forward, trusting Steve to catch him. He buries his sweaty face in Steve’s neck, feeling Steve’s rapid pulse against his cheek.

“Yeah, okay,” Steve says, one arm tight around Bucky, holding him up as the other hand fishes his cell phone out of his pocket. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Bucky believes him.

“Yeah, hello?” Steve says into the phone. He can feel Steve’s tears, warm and damp against his temple, and he feels bad for making his friend cry. “I need help. My friend, he – he collapsed, and I don’t know what’s wrong.” Bucky curls in on himself, slipping down until his head is pillowed on Steve’s thigh. He can hear Steve talking, fast and frantic. He knows Steve is talking to him at one point, trying to get an answer from him. He tries to talk but he can’t, it hurts too much. He clutches at Steve’s shirt and he feels Steve’s trembling fingers clasp tight around his wrist. He focuses on that touch, trying to keep from slipping into darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

What happens next is mostly a blur. Steve drops the phone and slides the fingers of his free hand into Bucky’s hair, the other still holding Bucky’s wrist in a death grip. He knows Steve is talking to him, voice pitched low and comforting.

There is commotion not long after that, hands that don’t belong to Steve pulling on him, getting him up onto a stretcher. They tug Steve’s hand away from his wrist and Bucky lets out a groan, fingers flexing against nothing.

He’s loaded into an ambulance; Steve climbing in right after the stretcher is loaded. Bucky is aware of the sound of sirens and people yelling, leaning over him and shining light in his eyes. He grits his teeth together so hard he thinks they’re going to crack.

He can hear Steve’s voice above all the others. “He was holding his stomach. The right side.” There’s a pause, and he can hear Steve again, quick and panicked. “Winnie, it’s Steve. You’ve got to come to the hospital. Bucky is-” He can hear Steve’s voice crack on a sob. “They’re taking Buck.”

Steve grabs his wrist again, and that’s the last thing Bucky remembers.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve paces the waiting room, eyes red and swollen from the tears that had leaked steadily from his eyes the entire ride over. He never really cries, but seeing Bucky like that, incoherent and shaking on the kitchen floor, terrified him in a way he hadn’t ever felt before.

It’s been half an hour since they wheeled Bucky into the ER, stopping Steve when he tried to follow. He tried sitting down, but he was too jittery, too scared. So instead, he paces.

The automatic sliding doors open and Winnie comes running in, eyes wide with tears and panic. Steve sees her and nearly crumples, letting out a new sob as she envelopes him in a hug.

“What happened, baby?” Winnie asks, rubbing Steve’s back soothingly.

“I don’t know,” Steve replies shakily, face buried in the curve of Winnie’s neck. She’s been his second mother, for all intents and purposes, since the day he was born. He has no problem with seeking comfort from her. “He wasn’t feeling well all day, and then he just collapsed. He was so out of it. He couldn’t even tell me what’s wrong. They won’t tell me anything.”

“It’s okay,” Winnie soothes, pulling away from Steve. She squeezes his shoulders and looks up at him, giving him a watery smile. “I’m sure he’s fine. I’m going to go talk to a doctor, see what I can find out. You wait here, okay?”

“But Winnie,” Steve says, wiping at his eyes and feeling all of four years old. Winnie just nods in understanding.

“Everyone is on their way,” she says, cupping his cheek. “Just wait here. As soon as I find out what’s going on, I’ll come tell you. I promise.” Steve squeezes his eyes shut and nods, turning to watch as Winnie walks up to the desk. She’s rushed into the ER moments later.

He flops down into a hard plastic chair and buries his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees. He doesn’t know how long he sits like that before his mother is suddenly there, pulling him into a hug. He tells her everything and she just nods, clutching Steve’s hand in a death grip.

Sarah brought Becca and Evelyn with her, and the two girls sit motionless, pale faced and terrified. It’s not long before the waiting room is full of Bucky’s loved ones. Joseph and Robert show up, followed shortly by Ben and Garrett, who must have broken land speed records to get there from college. Steve has never seen Ben look so terrified and anguished. It’s a foreign look on a guy that is so carefree and laidback. Seeing Ben look like that just makes him even more scared.

Sarah tells everyone what Steve told her, while Steve himself just stares blankly ahead, face burning and heart thumping in his chest. What he needs now is for Winnie to come back, to tell them that Bucky is going to be fine.

He has to be fine.


	5. Chapter 5

What seems like hours later, Winnie finally comes back into the waiting room. Everyone’s heads snap up at the exact same moment, as if they were all attached to the same string. Steve takes in Winnie’s appearance. Her eyes are red and swollen, mascara smeared beyond repair.

Steve’s heart stops beating. Everything freezes, his entire world narrowed down to Bucky’s mother. He holds his breath, waiting for Winnie to speak.

“Acute appendicitis,” Winnie breathes, giving them a shaky smile. “They’re taking him into surgery now. He’s going to be fine.”

And the world starts up again, noises assaulting him from every angle. Everyone lets out a collective sigh and suddenly Winnie is hugging him, her tears searing hot against his cheek.

“Thank you,” Winnie says, kissing his temple. “Thank you for calling 911. The doctors said it was about to burst, and he made it in just in time. Thank you, Steve.”

Steve wraps his arms around her, squeezing tightly. His mother puts her arms around them both and his dad claps him on the back. Ben ruffles his hair, his eyes shining with gratitude. Steve can’t even breathe, he’s so relieved.

“When is he going to be out of surgery?” Steve asks once both moms let him go. “When can I see him?”

“He should be out soon,” Winnie replies. “But he won’t wake up until later tonight.”

“I’ll wait,” Steve says strongly, and then recoils a little, looking up at Winnie with shining eyes. “I mean – can I? Can I stay?”

“Of course,” Winnie replies, ruffling Steve’s hair until it falls in his eyes. “You can be there when he wakes up.”

“Good,” Steve says, breathing deep. “I – I want to be there.”

He doesn’t just want it. He needs it.


	6. Chapter 6

Almost two hours later, a doctor comes out to report that Bucky is out of surgery and has been moved to recovery. Winnie and Robert are allowed back to check on him, and Steve wants so badly to go with them. When they return to the waiting room, they look reassured, and that makes Steve feel a little better.

Winnie shepherds everyone out, telling them that it won’t do any good to crowd the waiting room anymore, that Bucky is fine and they’ll call when he wakes up. Sarah offers to take the girls home and Ben and Garrett make plans to stay in town until Bucky is home.

Before long, it’s just Winnie and Steve left in the waiting room. Steve’s eyes sting and Winnie slaps his arm when she catches him rubbing them again. They get up and Winnie leads him to Bucky’s room, and Steve nearly cries again at the sight of him.

He looks so small and pale in the giant hospital bed, long dark hair standing out in stark relief on the white sheets. He focuses on the steady rise and fall of Bucky’s chest, the soft beeps of the heart monitor. Steve drops down into one of the chairs next to Bucky’s bed. He reaches out to touch the back of Bucky’s hand, next to where the IV is piercing his skin. He trails his fingers down Bucky’s arm, where purple bruises form a ring around his wrist.

“Oops,” Steve says, his fingertips ghosting along the bruises he left. “Bruise so easy, you pansy.”

Winnie laughs and Steve startles a little, forgetting she was even there for a moment. He smiles sheepishly and looks back at her.

“I’m glad you were there, Steve.” She smiles warmly at him, and it’s damn near the same fond smile she gives Bucky. “Stubborn little shit never would have said anything was wrong. He would have just waited until it was something that couldn’t be fixed.” Her breath hitches a little and Steve gets up to hug her.

“He’s fine,” Steve tells her, and Winnie nods. They both sit down on either side of Bucky’s bed, Winnie taking Bucky’s hand in her own. Steve stares at the bruises on his wrist, the exact shape of his own fingers.

Hours later, Steve’s stomach rumbles loud enough that even Winnie looks over at him. He looks at the door and then back at Bucky, slouching down further in the chair as he makes up his mind. He’s not leaving.

Winnie stands up then, back popping as she stretches. “I’m getting old,” she yawns, making Steve’s lips quirk up in a near smile. “I’m going down to the cafeteria for some caffeine. Bucky’s crippling addiction didn’t appear out of thin air, you know.”

“I know,” Steve replies. “Poor kid. It stunted his growth. He’s a total midget.”

Winnie playfully whaps the back of his head, and Steve scrunches up his nose at her. “I’ll bring you something to eat. Call me if he wakes up?”

“Sure,” Steve replies. “Thanks Mom.”

Minutes after Winnie leaves the room, Steve’s phone vibrates in his pocket. When he pulls it out, it tells him that he has a new message from Alexis. He sighs and opens it.

_ Where are you? You were supposed to be here over an hour ago. Call me. _

Steve stares at the message for a moment, and then very deliberately turns the phone off and puts it back in his pocket.

Alexis is the very last thing on his mind right now.


	7. Chapter 7

When Bucky opens his eyes, it takes a few seconds for everything to come into focus. The first thing he’s aware of is the pain in his stomach, though nowhere near what it had been earlier. The second thing he realizes is that he’s in a hospital bed.

His heart starts to beat wildly at that, his stomach rolling when he whips his head to the side. His fingers dig into the scratchy hospital sheets and he swallows.

“Steve?” He rasps out, momentarily surprised to find that Steve’s name was the first that came to mind. There is suddenly a hand on his chest, pushing him down, and then Steve’s face comes into view. “Oh god,” he sighs, reaching up to touch Steve’s shoulder, fingers digging into solid flesh until he relaxes.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Steve says, but Bucky can hear how badly his voice is shaking. Bucky takes in Steve’s face, his swollen eyes, and then looks out the window. It’s pitch-black dark outside.

“What happened?” He asks, and then licks his lips. Steve pours him a glass of water and sticks a straw in it, handing it over.

“You’re appendix damn near burst, dude,” Steve replies, sitting back down in his chair but scooting it closer to the bed. “You collapsed on my kitchen floor. Then they cut you open and you made us all worry. Jerk.”

“No shit?” Bucky laughs, taking a drink of cool water and then setting the cup down. “I had surgery?”

“Yup,” Steve replies. “Bet you’re all scarred and ugly now.” Bucky wrinkles his nose and Steve laughs.

“Where’s my mom?” Bucky asks, looking around the room.

“Oh, she went to go get coffee. I’m supposed to call her,” Steve replies, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Dude, everyone was here, for like, hours. But your lazy ass wouldn’t wake up.”

“Oh,” Bucky replies, eyelids drooping shut. He lets out a long sigh, hand sliding across the bed until he finds Steve’s. Without thinking about it, he slots their fingers together and squeezes.

It should feel weird, holding his best friend’s hand like this, but it actually feels kind of nice. The last thing he registers before falling asleep is Steve’s thumb moving back and forth across the thin skin of his wrist.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s Saturday night. The entire school in on their way to the bonfire at the lake, and Bucky is at home, bedridden.

He is, in a word, devastated. Garrett had been more than happy to take advantage of his recent of-legal-drinking-age status and buy some alcohol for them as long as they paid him extra and promised him they wouldn’t be driving. Which wouldn’t be a problem because everyone was going to pop tents and crash in them.

But no, his gut had to go and explode, in Steve’s fucking kitchen no less, and now he’s stuck in bed with stitches in his lower abdomen. And he doesn’t even care if it makes him super gay, but he already had his mom go get him some cocoa butter because he is so not down with scarring. He’s been working far too hard on his stomach and his tan to let a fucking appendectomy come along to ruin his party and his good looks.

So yes, he’s moping. And he’s bored. He also sort of feels bad because he keeps yelling at everyone. But hey, he never said he was nice.

Winnie comes in then, fretting and fluffing his pillows. It makes him feel about five years old, but hey, he might as well enjoy it. He even smiles a little when she leans over to kiss his forehead.

“Bucky baby,” she starts, and Bucky resists the urge to roll his eyes at her. “I know you’re upset you can’t go to your party. But you just had surgery. You need to rest.”

“I know,” he sighs, and she cups his pale cheek. He feels like shit, he’s all loopy on painkillers, Steve and Sam are probably on their way to the lake right now, and he’s at home in bed being coddled by his mother.

“I just came up here to see if you need anything,” she tells him. Bucky takes in his arsenal, all spread out on his queen sized bed. He’s got his laptop, cell phone, remote control, a water bottle, his pain pills, and snacks. He just stares at her blankly. “You can order anything you want from On Demand and –“

“Mom,” he says, cutting her off and holding up his hand. “I’m fine. I know you’re up here just to make sure I’m not like, contemplating suicide or whatever because I can’t go to the party, but I’m not, okay? I’m fine. I’m just going to watch some TV and go to sleep.”

“Okay baby,” she says, leaning over to kiss his forehead again. He lets out a sigh and kisses her cheek. He smiles at her as she leaves the room.

Bucky tries to sleep, but it’s barely nine and the painkillers he’s on sort of make the pattern on his ceiling immensely fascinating, so he just stares up at it blankly. The summer sun has finally completely set, so the only light in his room is the soft blue glow of the television.

His eyes start to droop, finally. So of course that’s when someone flicks on his bedroom light and jumps onto his bed. Bucky’s eyes pop open and pain rips through his belly. He turns his head to glare at his attacker, but he blinks in confusion when he sees Steve lying next to him.

“What’s up?” Steve asks, moving all of Bucky’s things to the floor so he can settle comfortably on the bed. Bucky just stares at him, the light from the lamp casting sort of a halo around Steve’s head. He blinks sleepily again. He hasn’t seen Steve much since he left the hospital, mother’s orders so he can get some much needed rest, and Bucky can’t help but remember Steve’s panicked expression when he collapsed, the way Steve’s hand circled his entire wrist as he called 911. He thinks of the bruises on his wrist, deep purple smudges that he can’t seem to stop touching. They’re starting to fade now, shifting from purple to brown and yellow. For some reason, this irritates Bucky. He sort of wants them to stay.

“Wait a minute,” Bucky says, his drug-induced haze clearing a little bit. He’s so used to having Steve in his room that it didn’t even occur to him that he’s supposed to be elsewhere. “What are you doing here?”

“Dude, I have way too many egg rolls here,” Steve says, gesturing to a giant, delicious smelling bag that’s probably getting grease all over Bucky’s duvet. “Who else is gonna help me eat them?”

“Uh, the hundreds of people at the lake?” Bucky ventures. Steve gives him a look like Bucky is just a little bit special before toeing off his sneakers and kicking them to the floor.

“Buck,” Steve starts, taking plates and utensils out of the bag. He gets sauce on his thumb and Bucky’s eyes track the movement as he sucks it off. Bucky blinks a few times. “We were planning to go to this thing for like, months. I’d feel like an asshole if I went without you.”

Bucky gets this tight, warm feeling in his chest and he can feel himself grinning over at his best friend.

“We’re gonna party here,” Steve continues. “I was even gonna go all elementary school style and pitch a tent in the backyard, but Winnie said I couldn’t, like, jostle you, or something. So I got Chinese and crappy horror movies instead.” Bucky opens his mouth to speak, but Steve cuts him off. “And I swear to god, dude. If you get all mushy and gay on me, I will brain you with your own oversized remote control.”

“Isn’t Alexis going to be pissed at you?” Bucky ventures, biting down on the grin threatening to crack his face. The smile turns into a concerned frown when Steve winces slightly.

“She’ll get over it,” Steve says casually, picking up a plastic fork and twirling it a little. “And if she doesn’t – well, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Steve,” Bucky starts, unsure of what to say. He should tell him to go to the party, to be with his girlfriend. But instead, he wants to be selfish. He wants Steve there with him. Maybe it’s the three days of being confined to his own bed, but he feels like he’ll be devastated if Steve leaves right now.

Luckily, Steve effectively ends the conversation by getting up to put a movie in. Bucky pulls himself up to sit against the headboard with a wince and a grunt, and Steve gets back on the bed next to him, careful not to jar him this time. Steve carefully scoops out large portions of Bucky’s favorite Chinese foods out onto a paper plate and hands it over, doing the same for himself before pressing play.

The movie is horrible. So horrible that Bucky laughs hard enough to hurt his stitches and Steve chokes on an egg roll while laughing at that. They mock it and create their own dialogue, Bucky voicing the blonde starlet that keeps flashing her tits and Steve doing the menacing killer. All in all, it’s shaping up to be a pretty perfect night.

That is until about halfway through the movie, when Steve’s cell phone rings loudly on the nightstand. When Steve grabs it, he’s sitting close enough that Bucky can clearly see Alexis’s name on the display. Steve presses pause, smiles apologetically at Bucky, and gets up to answer it.

“Hey Lex,” Steve answers, pacing near Bucky’s desk and biting his thumbnail. “No, I already told you that. I’m not – no, Lex. Yes, I’m at Bucky’s.” Bucky looks down, cheeks flushing with guilt. “Lex, I watched him – I mean, he just had surgery.” Another long pause. Bucky can tell the moment she starts raising her voice, because the sound carries over to him. “No, I’m not. I told you that earlier, so I don’t know why you’re yelling at me now.” Steve stops in his pacing, and Bucky catches a glimpse of his profile. He’s angry. “If that’s how you want it, that’s perfectly fine by me. Whatever, Alexis. Yeah, bye.”

Bucky assumes that if it were possible to slam a cell phone, Steve would have.

Steve takes a deep breath and drops the phone onto the desk, where it lands with a clatter that makes Bucky jump. Steve finally turns around and gives Bucky a weak smile. He throws his arms out to the side in an exaggerated shrug.

“Guess who’s single again?” Steve exclaims. He’s smiling weakly, but there is a crease between his brows. Bucky has been there for all of Steve’s break ups, but most of Steve’s relationships have all been short little flings that ended amicably. Hell, Steve is still friends with all of his exes. But he’s never been with anyone as long as Alexis. Bucky is sort of at a loss. He has the sudden desire to call Garrett, but he stamps it down.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky says sympathetically, kicking off the blankets and swinging his feet over the side of the bed to stand up. He wobbles a little at first. He’s pretty much only been getting up to go to the bathroom.

He quickly crosses the room, ignoring the pain in his belly as he throws his arms around Steve in a tight hug. Steve’s arms settle around his waist, his head dropping down to rest on Bucky’s shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” Steve mumbles, his lips brushing against the soft skin of Bucky’s neck. It sends a tiny little shiver through Bucky’s entire body.

“Shut up,” Bucky replies, giving Steve another brief squeeze. He sort of wants to hang on even tighter, but he pulls away and claps his hands down on Steve’s shoulders. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs. “It wasn’t like I thought it was gonna last forever. Alexis is cool and all, but we’re way too different, man.” Bucky nods. He could have told Steve that months ago. “It’s just that – I’m sixteen years old. Sometimes I want to act that way. I couldn’t be myself around her.”

“You can be yourself around me,” Bucky says, and then bites down on his bottom lip. He’s not sure why he said that. Steve smiles a little, reaching up to pat Bucky’s flank before pulling away from Bucky’s hold on his shoulders. Bucky flexes his fingers, his hands suddenly cold after the heat of Steve’s skin.

“I know, Buck. And thanks,” Steve replies. Bucky sits back down on the side of the bed, his breath catching in his throat slightly as Steve kicks off his jeans and rummages through Bucky’s dresser to get a pair of pajama pants. Bucky shakes his head, pulling his gaze away from Steve’s long legs to settle himself back in bed. Steve presses play on the DVD player and snags another egg roll from the carton as he gets in bed next to Bucky.

It feels almost strange, being this close to Steve. They’ve shared a bed like this countless times, but tonight Steve feels too warm, too close. Not close enough.

Bucky isn’t sure what the fuck is going on.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky says, turning to look at Steve. “I feel kinda responsible.”

“Shut the up, man.” Steve takes a huge bite of egg roll and looks over at Bucky. “I’m where I wanna be, alright?”

Bucky nods, warmth blossoming low in his belly. He’s felt weird all night, heart stuttering every time he looks Steve in the eye.

Later, once they hit the third disc of their Family Guy marathon, Steve suddenly slumps over. His cheek is mashed against Bucky’s shoulder and Bucky lifts his arm to drape it around Steve’s shoulders, trying to get more comfortable.

He watches Steve sleep. He studies the way Steve’s blonde hair falls into his eyes, watches the way Steve’s cheeks get pinker as he sleeps, counts Steve’s warm puffs of breath against his skin. Bucky can feel the fond smile on his face, the way his heart beats against his ribcage.

It hits him then, exactly what has been going on. Why he’s felt weird all night, why he wants Steve close, why he doesn’t want Steve’s marks to fade from his skin. Bucky snatches his hand away from Steve’s shoulder, his jaw dropping open, terror spiking through him like ice. He’s figured it out. But no, this can’t be happening.

It took him two years, but he finally did it.

He’s breaking his promise.

He’s falling in love.

2019

So the thing is, Bucky is pretty much in love with his best friend…

 


End file.
